Wow its been a while! I usually just jump in and post no matter how long it has been but it feels like this merits mentioning! My amazing husband is tending to our boys as well as cleaning up the dinner dishes and sent me to our room to “do whatever I want!” God Bless His sweet heart! I love him! Our youngest, Jonathan just turned 8 months old! Seriously feels impossible but yet my tiredness definitely feels like it is mostly possible! lol! Our oldest, David, is saying so many words right now that I have lost track and feel like I need his baby book at my side constantly to keep up with all of the developments! Yesterday he looked at me and mostly clearly said, “Momma can we go home now?” Wow, I was floored! His longest sentence to this date and it was in a very honoring question versus a fit or demand! There is hope that we are doing something right with these precious ones! I think it is a good thing for parents to stop, take a step back and congratulate ourselves! “We are doing a good job!!” Okay now carry on and clean up the mess they just made, lol!
My friend was telling me yesterday about how mommy blogs can be frustrating because when they give their ideas they say it like there is only one way to do something, like its law. I totally related to her frustration. I remember the day I realized that my pediatrician didn’t live at our house. I know it may seem obvious to you but I didn’t always want to do what she said and I was scared she was going to find out. But guess what?? I am a grown up and even though I haven’t ever raised a human previous to having kiddos I am figuring it out (with lots of help) day by day! And I am so thankful I am not alone. And I am so thankful for google but still its so challenging with you encounter advice that seems like a law. I really believe that it would be impossible for there to be only ONE way to do something or to cook or to care for children! We are all made so different! I don’t think the world would ever be what it is if there was only one way to raise babies, diaper, … you get the point.
I remember going through baby clothes and realizing that I had opinions about the clothes I put David in. I am not sure why that was such a big deal but right then I just made a stack of stuff I didn’t care for and put it in a bag and passed it on to my friend who was due soon with a little boy. Maybe she would like it because we were different people.
I think that life is just that. A process of discovering what we want and then walking it out. And realizing that it doesn’t have to be perfect! That sentence pretty much sums up the last year for me. I finally got really honest and found out that the expectation I had over myself as a wife and mom was PERFECTION. Nothing short of that would do! I was failing so much that I was getting very discouraged. I tried to explain to myself that an expectation like that was impossible but honestly I just was STUCK! Seriously. But at least I was out of denial! Here I am a complete failure because I couldn’t really get anything done ever! Alas that is the little years! So frustrating at times. But somehow through some honest processing and a few counseling sessions I have more peace. I am okay with the progress versus the perfection. God has massaged my hard heart and given me love in my heart for this Momma! There is a deeper sense in my heart right now of God’s approval than I have ever felt.
I am excited to see more lies get blown out of the water this year! What other places in my heart need uprooted?? Parenting is good for that! A great mirror for me. I pray I won’t look in the mirror and forget what I see!