Writing blogs is kind of like the first time I rode a bike, I kept putting out my legs to catch myself. So sometimes I will probably sound like I am being real and other times like I am writing a college paper. Bare with me, as I practice it should get better. To me “blogging” is permission to ramble so if thats not true then someone let me know. Because I am about to cut lose. Not used to journaling where ALL can see but here I am doing at least a once a week update on Michelle’s life. Read at own risk!!
I am beginning to understand life a bit! Its not so much what I can do but its what I am willing to give up. I love the poem/song “I don’t know about tomorrow but I know who holds my hand.” I totally butchered that but the idea is, I know that GOD is holding my hand and he directs the steps of the righteous so therefore, like the Bible says tomorrow will take care of itself. I trust him, he’s got tomorrow!! I am in that place right now!
After over two years of searching, grieving, crying, figuring out things, fear of man, randomness, hope deffered and a cold heart I am here! Actually I didn’t even leave the Charlotte area. I woke up last Sunday in a funk, prayin up a storm. What am I supposed to be doing. I have been prayin that pray since I left YWAM Perth. Since my mom died. “Someone please tell me” and I did just that, going from one person to the next. Please someone just tell me what in the world i am supposed to do with my life, with this pain in my heart, with my giftings, ahhhhh.
This time it was different, no striving, I finally just GAVE UP! Not necessarily in a bad way. I moved in with my friends, rested, and prayed. One month later my coffee shop closed. Now I am ministry-less and job-less! Not even my fault thats awesome!
So then it came to my attention that the very thing I have wanted to do and been praying about doing for three years is exactly the door that stood before me!! So I walked on through! And here I am in Charlotte, NC spending my days in the Zadok House of Prayer!
How is it going? Well I’ve only done a week, my heart is becoming alive again! And I know its only the beginning. LIke any job there will be days where I will wonder why I am here but I am trusting that I will learn alot, sing alot, love alot, pray and play ALOT! And love God more deep on the insides of me than ever before!! Thanks for reading…