His word

Let not your heart be troubled…

Do not worry about your life…

Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart…

These scriptures, short phrases have been my meditation for over the past year. Like waves over my heart and mind. They have been become a standard or lense that I see everything through. Simple and completely necessary for a heart like mine. Easy to jump to the negative outcome or worry about what people may think. I steadied my heart on these words over and over. A situation would happen and I would find one of these phrases echoing in myself. Does my response align? Honestly I have wanted a “system” or routine for the tangled heart I own for years. Kind of like organizing your house. I have tried it all. I know singing these phrases helped. But mostly I just stayed here day after day. Month after month.

A fear would come up or a hard situation and I would find myself worrying. Nope. Do not worry about your life. Okay but…nope do not worry about your life. But but…Michelle let not your heart be troubled. Like digging a trench for my heart. This is where I am going to living. Right here. Too many years of fear. Too many wasted days with worry. You are no longer my friends or leaders. My emotions or knee jerk responses are no longer to be trusted. I am done. I surrender. God I am yours. I am just a simple girl who loves you. I don’t need elaborate understanding although I have learned a lot and have a degree to show for it. I am just here.

Like the song says. “I want to sit at Your feet. Drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and feel Your heart beat.” If this song were a book it would have deep creases in it from how many times I have sang it. It never gets old. Simple devotion is where it is at. You and me. Me and you. Even if I hide. Even if I try to run. You always are there. Always faithful! Unmoved by my weak love. Even touched by it. Nothing had changed there. It’s like I am 22 all over again reading these words and knowing really for the first time they are true. “You are all fair my Love.”

The time of singing has come! It’s time for love, it’s time for new life, it’s time for love, you will sing again! Let sing, write, dance, and be all that He created us to be. With eyes fixed on Him. I want to be in His eyes as one who finds peace.

weakness

This has been my theme this past season. We got the “big sickness” on Thanksgiving this and I just could not fully get back to myself for many months after. Each month I would find myself battling a head cold. And with a full schedule of homeschool, singing, and life it was frustrating at times. I prayed and asked the Lord to heal me. Others prayed. But in the midst of it there was a sweetness. His voice cutting through the noise, His love carrying me. 

I posted something on my Instagram one day knowing that some might misunderstand. But it was a risk worth taking to share with those who feel this constant weakness. (post here) He said to me “I want you weak.” Over and over I have felt His invitation to come to Him for the answers. There is something that intimacy with God can do that Google or your best friends can not give you. It may seem ridiculous to think that God has the recipe to the meal you need to figure out tonight. But He is waiting, longing for you to come to Him with all of your needs, cares, wants, challenges. Your weakness. 

I can not tell you how deeply I feel this right now. A call to my friends, especially mommas to take our questions to God. There have been shakings. There are more to come. We have to work this weakness muscle. Not just to get answers. But to realign our hearts and minds to the source. The source of peace. The source of true love. The source of wisdom. So when we feel these tremblings and others are scrambling to find steady ground we are not shaken. We may be weak but we are rooted. 

Let Him remove the excuses for not reading your Bible or taking time to sit at His feet. Put the first things back in first place. The every day devotion that will not always be glamorous or filled with emotion experiences. But He knows what you need. His word, His voice, His leadership. Fully submitted. He might even surprise you and tell you what He sees when He looks at you. This can be your foundation of life versus your list of failures and unfulfilled expectations. 

Permission to be weak. To not have it all together but yet walk out life with joy and purpose. I can not even explain how good it feels to be in this place. Although I warn you I am so tempted to go back to pushing against this place. As if worry and anxiety will keep the world going and will solve the problems in my life. I was singing on a set last week and after a bit of worship our chorus leader, Miha, started singing out of Isaiah 40.  I had just written in my journal, “Weakness” and I had written down all of the verses in the back of my Bible’s concordance under the it. I had written that word because once again I was feeling weak and decided to turn to the Lord and acknowledge my need. He answered so quickly. 

She sang this chorus “I shall run and not be weary, I shall walk and not faint.” And then she sang an oracle about it. Then Andrew added his own song. As we sat there in this sweet moment I heard this revelation drop into my heart. I heard the Lord say that when I choose to trust Him in my weakness that is a HOLY decision. Not only does it move His heart but like intercession it brings heaven to earth. It shifts things not just in my heart, my life, my family, my home, but it shifts things on more levels here on earth than I understand. So as we soaked in that moment I felt to release it in a chorus. I heard the lyrics and melody from my heart but it seems more from Him than from me. So sweet to me. 

Here is the full moment with Miha and Andrew: https://youtu.be/F3EO-RRpxj4

Here is my chorus on it’s own: https://youtu.be/mS2ZGcKHm5k

Then last night my 3 year old woke up crying around 3am which is not usual for her. She had a bad dream about dragons and so I brought her to my bed. I realized that a song was in my heart as I comforted her. I had tried to remember the chorus I had sang on but just couldn’t get the melody locked in. But here I was at 3am in the morning and I heard the Lord singing it over me. It really was His song all along. I love when that happens. 

“When you trust Me in your weakness, your doing something holy, your bringing heaven to earth, when you let go of fear.”

I can phone a friend, I can google it, I can try to process it with a friend, I can push through and try to ignore it, but our hearts are crying out for God! The source of life that never runs dry! There is not a planner out there that can stop this weakness and need we have for Him!  Be blessed! God is with you and for you!! 

Full set from that night is here: https://www.ihopkc.org/prayerroom/#asset/event_site_68FBe1c2dE_9271_5118/auto/true