The older you get the longer you are waiting for things promised that haven’t happened yet. So I think waiting for a couple of years is agony. I can’t imagine how Abraham felt. Waiting has a lot to do with hope and trust. I am not so sure I understand any of these words but I really want to. As I have been sitting in the house of prayer I have realized a few things. I have no idea how to sit and just “be still and know that I am God” and the other thing is that is exactly what I needed to realize. We think we know it all, we really think we know everything! Its amazing, you graduate junior high and your like, “check, i got it,” then high school, then college, then you do missions and you become the EXPERT at whatever. I am a teacher (bossy) by sheer personality so i just unload information on whoever will listen. but its not true!! We don’t know everything and its takes so much pressure off yourself to just admit it right off the bat! Humble yourself… not like “duh i don’t know nothin” but just being willing to admit in even an area of your own expertize that you really aren’t the expert. It sets you up to be teachable. Everyone will admit that someone who is teachable is so much nicer to be around than someone who is blind to their need to be teachable (look up Jeremiah 9:23-24). This verse has been haunting me for years. In the end of it, it says ” let he who boasts boast in this, that he knows and understands me that i am the Lord…” YAY permission to know stuff and brag about it! I love it! the only thing in life i have permission to brag about it HIM!!
Another thing: the voice of God. Not everyone I talk to agrees with me that we can hear the voice of God. But I believe and I do hear it. But I realized something about his voice this week through a teaching I heard on meditation. Some people have heard that meditating is like a cow regurgitating its grass from one stomach to the next. (nice picture) And it is from our part of it, we just keep repeating the word and it gets in us. The teaching I heard says “read it, sing it, say it, pray it” and thats how you get the word in you! Well the reason is not only for you but for God! He loves repetition, thats his language, thats how he talks. Just like if you were my friend trying to make sense of this blog, you would want to know my language and how I communicate or you might be offended or confused. I want to know God’s language and understanding that he repeats things not to make me feel stupid or rebellious, but thats just how he communicates makes more sense. this is a new revelation for me. When people have prayed for me to be healed from grief often they used the same verses over and over. It wasn’t encouraging after a while. But God was just talking to me. He has thoughts for us, to many to count, precious thoughts. So I have set my heart to listen. And now I want to listen, just like I would want to listen to a friend tell me what they think about me… ahhh…i hope this makes sense. Oh well. Its my blog right! hee hee!! I am still in process of this one!
ANyways…I am enjoying my time in the Zadok House of Prayer! Its a good hard feeling, pressing for my heart to be alive in God again. I can remember what it feels like! Comin back to the Heart of Worship. Oh and I am singing!!! yesterday I got to sing for four hours!! It was awesome!! Its a massive part of me getting healing!! Singing through the Storm! I even wrote a song about it. I wonder if you can put songs on this blog? anyways!! blessings