The only thing I struggle with more than blogging is the look of the “new post” page on my blogger. It does not stir up within me the creative juices I wish it did. It just reminds me of the PC I typed 1000’s of words on during college homework days. So now, right now I feel like I am typing homework when I sat down to share.
So now I am convinced that “new post” pages should have pictures, coffee, cool pages and journal-type lines just like my coffee dates with Jesus in my big chair in my living room. Ahh if only my computer looked like my quiet times feel, then I could really tell my stories and share. I am so OCD sometimes, I seriously may leave this moment without sharing what I thought I really wanted to just because I am typing in Times New Roman and I feel like I have to hand this in tomorrow. Whelp there’s that, I guess I will have to create my own blog post page and sell it to the masses. It will be very hands on, michelle friendly, and definitely have more than 7 fonts to choose from.
My heart was made to share, to love, to constantly tell a story so people can feel God, feel more than just each day passing by. I want to do this. I want to write, to share, to be a voice. This is who I am. I know this, that “before He formed me, He knew me.” He knows better than I do what He was doing when He finally set out to form what I see now as me. He intimately new every detail of me, “He knew me.” That is an intimate knowledge, a deep knowledge, more than I could ever begin to understand. Deep sigh. That is what I can put my trust in, I can rest in that. He knows what to say, he knows my story. He has and had the perfect way to put me into words. I am thankful for that today! So let the stories come, let the words and the sharing and the songs come.
4 Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying:
5 “ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
Jeremiah 1:4-5 (NKJV)
As you may know I busted my toe three weeks ago today. The stitches came out last week and this past week it has been healing. While it healed this week there were times it hurt more than when I had stitches in it. I was like “really, what is wrong with my toe?” It made me think the gash was going to open again or infection was setting in. But no it was just healing.
This process made me think of my heart and how at times the healing has hurt more than the wound/loss initially did. Why? Why does it hurt more, making me think there is something new wrong when it is just a moment of pain so that I can be whole. Will we ever understand how our hearts work and how much He loves this process?
I know I don’t understand it, but now I know that I am not crazy. I am just healing. Still healing from so much that has tried to stop me from being who He has called me to be. I am just healing.