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New Thang

Writing blogs is kind of like the first time I rode a bike, I kept putting out my legs to catch myself. So sometimes I will probably sound like I am being real and other times like I am writing a college paper. Bare with me, as I practice it should get better. To me “blogging” is permission to ramble so if thats not true then someone let me know. Because I am about to cut lose. Not used to journaling where ALL can see but here I am doing at least a once a week update on Michelle’s life. Read at own risk!!

I am beginning to understand life a bit! Its not so much what I can do but its what I am willing to give up. I love the poem/song “I don’t know about tomorrow but I know who holds my hand.” I totally butchered that but the idea is, I know that GOD is holding my hand and he directs the steps of the righteous so therefore, like the Bible says tomorrow will take care of itself. I trust him, he’s got tomorrow!! I am in that place right now!
After over two years of searching, grieving, crying, figuring out things, fear of man, randomness, hope deffered and a cold heart I am here! Actually I didn’t even leave the Charlotte area. I woke up last Sunday in a funk, prayin up a storm. What am I supposed to be doing. I have been prayin that pray since I left YWAM Perth. Since my mom died. “Someone please tell me” and I did just that, going from one person to the next. Please someone just tell me what in the world i am supposed to do with my life, with this pain in my heart, with my giftings, ahhhhh. 
This time it was different, no striving, I finally just GAVE UP! Not necessarily in a bad way. I moved in with my friends, rested, and prayed. One month later my coffee shop closed. Now I am ministry-less and job-less! Not even my fault thats awesome! 
So then it came to my attention that the very thing I have wanted to do and been praying about doing for three years is exactly the door that stood before me!! So I walked on through! And here I am in Charlotte, NC spending my days in the Zadok House of Prayer! 
How is it going? Well I’ve only done a week, my heart is becoming alive again! And I know its only the beginning. LIke any job there will be days where I will wonder why I am here but I am trusting that I will learn alot, sing alot, love alot, pray and play ALOT! And love God more deep on the insides of me than ever before!! Thanks for reading… 
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SING

I really just want to sing. To pour out my heart to God in a song or ten!! I am done doing all the other things that it seems like i am equipped to do! I am really done chasing after ministry, position, and fulfillment. I am sick of trying to be someone I am not!! No more wondering, I am just going to do it! Making a CD does not equal success to me but it would definitely make a statement that I am walking toward this! No more second guessing myself or my calling! 

Besides wanting to hold babies in Africa, teaching and singing is all I can ever remember wanting to do! Here I go!
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Try Again

I’ve been learning how to get back on my horse! God’s love is not based on my ability or on my failures. Knowing this information should help me right!! I should just automatically let go of offense or give myself grace when I screw up. But for some reason it doesn’t work that way in my head! I want it to! 


In order to believe in myself I have to be able to let go!! Anyways, I worked today at the coffee shop and I am tired, couldn’t sleep last night! Tried to take a nap after work and it didn’t work! My new year’s resolution to exercise starts on Monday! Let’s see what happens!! I believe I can do it! I want to and have to according to me! Seriously I have changed my diet, cut out dairy, sugar and all the bad stuff and its only when I am exercising that I look good and feel good about me! So those people that write all those books on dieting need to put in convincing bold letters that EXERCISE is the key ingredient! Especially to keeping your weight off!!!

I really do not like exercise, so its hard for me to imagine that this is the only answer but God finally convinced me, so did my body these last few exercise-less months! 

I work with a ministry called TheCause USA (www.thecauseusa.com) and we are putting on this 30-day field event called Under Open Skies!! We just finished today a 21-day focus preparing for the 30 days! So what a summer full of prayer, worship, and lots of work!! I am learning how to lean on the Lord to teach me how to take care of myself during this season! Also I need to focus somehow on my music! I have written a few new songs.. i have to figure out how to post them on this blog! I get to lead worship on Tuesday nights, this week I am trying a new team (me, Amber, Micah, and Page). It should be fun!! I am so excited to release the sounds and the things the Lord has put inside of me!

One of my new songs is called INSIDE OUT! The words are “I’m gonna worship you from the inside out, pour me like a pitcher, pour me right out!” Its pretty much a song of surrender and longing just to have a heart that is free to worship. Not bound by fear of man or hardness or anything!! An unhindered heart of worship!  Like the woman with the alabaster box! She just poured out her heart and tears before Jesus! 

Anyways! So much is in my heart right now! We are on the edge of a breakthrough, thats why I feel so much tension in my heart! But I know with all of the prayers we have been praying for America, the breakthrough will not just be in my heart, but in many people’s. Specifically the prodigals!!