Writing blogs is kind of like the first time I rode a bike, I kept putting out my legs to catch myself. So sometimes I will probably sound like I am being real and other times like I am writing a college paper. Bare with me, as I practice it should get better. To me “blogging” is permission to ramble so if thats not true then someone let me know. Because I am about to cut lose. Not used to journaling where ALL can see but here I am doing at least a once a week update on Michelle’s life. Read at own risk!!
I am beginning to understand life a bit! Its not so much what I can do but its what I am willing to give up. I love the poem/song “I don’t know about tomorrow but I know who holds my hand.” I totally butchered that but the idea is, I know that GOD is holding my hand and he directs the steps of the righteous so therefore, like the Bible says tomorrow will take care of itself. I trust him, he’s got tomorrow!! I am in that place right now!
After over two years of searching, grieving, crying, figuring out things, fear of man, randomness, hope deffered and a cold heart I am here! Actually I didn’t even leave the Charlotte area. I woke up last Sunday in a funk, prayin up a storm. What am I supposed to be doing. I have been prayin that pray since I left YWAM Perth. Since my mom died. “Someone please tell me” and I did just that, going from one person to the next. Please someone just tell me what in the world i am supposed to do with my life, with this pain in my heart, with my giftings, ahhhhh.
This time it was different, no striving, I finally just GAVE UP! Not necessarily in a bad way. I moved in with my friends, rested, and prayed. One month later my coffee shop closed. Now I am ministry-less and job-less! Not even my fault thats awesome!
So then it came to my attention that the very thing I have wanted to do and been praying about doing for three years is exactly the door that stood before me!! So I walked on through! And here I am in Charlotte, NC spending my days in the Zadok House of Prayer!
How is it going? Well I’ve only done a week, my heart is becoming alive again! And I know its only the beginning. LIke any job there will be days where I will wonder why I am here but I am trusting that I will learn alot, sing alot, love alot, pray and play ALOT! And love God more deep on the insides of me than ever before!! Thanks for reading…
ramble all you like sista