its our time

I wrote this a couple months ago and decided that it would be a waste to not share it. Enjoy! 

There are not words to explain the process of healing from the loss of a loved one. But I find myself looking back on all the time it has taken for the healing I have so far. Time is the amazing healer of all things. Time is not what you would chose for a healing process. You want it to be done, you want everything to be okay again. But alas time. And then some more time and then you wonder if there is something really wrong with you that its taking so much time. Why? Why does it take so long, why does your heart only respond to time and not the books, the questions, the love, the prayers? I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Should I speed this up somehow? Take a class, read a book, write a song, talk it out. But somehow the healing is happening, slowly, on its own, without prompting. Its kind of beautiful to watch, especially when it is someone else’s life and loss. But this time it was mine. My life. My loss. My time. Uncontrollable fixer of all things. Time. 

I know its crazy that I keep comparing my own healing to the healing my toe has gone through these past few months. But its so real to me! My toenail has grown in half-way and its got 3 more months-ish to go. It is slowly but daily it is getting better. To the naked eye nothing seems to be happening but it I pay attention it has definitely healed. In its own time it will be completely better. Not perfect, but much better! Just like my heart. Over this time my heart has gotten much better, not perfect, different forever; but much better! 

But I believe this is how He does things. I have a good Father and he takes the time I give Him and he heals me. Its his way, his process, His plan and I trust that! I haven’t been able to do anything else. And I know its good! I know its Him and his plan and his process. I believe that and I know “its our time.” Our time to see something beautiful to grow from this ash heap and I am so excited to see what this time will bring in my life. I am blown away by the plans He has for me! I am overwhelmed by this Time, our time right now. 

Ecclesiastes 3

 1 To everything there is a season,

      A time for every purpose under heaven:
       2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
      A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
       3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
      A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
       4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
      A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
       5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
      A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
       6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
      A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
       7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
      A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
       8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
      A time of war,
And a time of peace.

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