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I’m back! I promise it doesn’t have to be Perfect!

Wow its been a while! I usually just jump in and post no matter how long it has been but it feels like this merits mentioning! My amazing husband is tending to our boys as well as cleaning up the dinner dishes and sent me to our room to “do whatever I want!” God Bless His sweet heart! I love him! Our youngest, Jonathan just turned 8 months old! Seriously feels impossible but yet my tiredness definitely feels like it is mostly possible! lol! Our oldest, David, is saying so many words right now that I have lost track and feel like I need his baby book at my side constantly to keep up with all of the developments! Yesterday he looked at me and mostly clearly said, “Momma can we go home now?” Wow, I was floored! His longest sentence to this date and it was in a very honoring question versus a fit or demand! There is hope that we are doing something right with these precious ones! I think it is a good thing for parents to stop, take a step back and congratulate ourselves! “We are doing a good job!!” Okay now carry on and clean up the mess they just made, lol!

My friend was telling me yesterday about how mommy blogs can be frustrating because when they give their ideas they say it like there is only one way to do something, like its law. I totally related to her frustration. I remember the day I realized that my pediatrician didn’t live at our house. I know it may seem obvious to you but I didn’t always want to do what she said and I was scared she was going to find out. But guess what?? I am a grown up and even though I haven’t ever raised a human previous to having kiddos I am figuring it out (with lots of help) day by day! And I am so thankful I am not alone. And I am so thankful for google but still its so challenging with you encounter advice that seems like a law. I really believe that it would be impossible for there to be only ONE way to do something or to cook or to care for children! We are all made so different! I don’t think the world would ever be what it is if there was only one way to raise babies, diaper, … you get the point.

I remember going through baby clothes and realizing that I had opinions about the clothes I put David in. I am not sure why that was such a big deal but right then I just made a stack of stuff I didn’t care for and put it in a bag and passed it on to my friend who was due soon with a little boy. Maybe she would like it because we were different people.

I think that life is just that. A process of discovering what we want and then walking it out. And realizing that it doesn’t have to be perfect! That sentence pretty much sums up the last year for me. I finally got really honest and found out that the expectation I had over myself as a wife and mom was PERFECTION. Nothing short of that would do! I was failing so much that I was getting very discouraged. I tried to explain to myself that an expectation like that was impossible but honestly I just was STUCK! Seriously. But at least I was out of denial! Here I am a complete failure because I couldn’t really get anything done ever! Alas that is the little years! So frustrating at times. But somehow through some honest processing and a few counseling sessions I have more peace. I am okay with the progress versus the perfection. God has massaged my hard heart and given me love in my heart for this Momma! There is a deeper sense in my heart right now of God’s approval than I have ever felt.

I am excited to see more lies get blown out of the water this year! What other places in my heart need uprooted?? Parenting is good for that! A great mirror for me. I pray I won’t look in the mirror and forget what I see!

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missing you. losing my mom (part 5)

I have been missing her today. I honestly didn’t even know it until the day was almost over. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by everything and even started crying on the couch while I was trying to soothe our second son for the third time tonight with not much success. Then it hit me. I miss my mom. This happened around my birthday too but it was husband who figured out I was grieving not me (I love him!). It was one of those waves today that threatened to take me down and I was resisting it, which always makes the grief worse not better. So finally I realized what was up. I put together all the factors. My mom’s 61st bday is coming up in less than two weeks, which also is the first anniversary of my grandma (her mom’s) death is coming up on her birthday (yes she passed away on my mom’s 60th bday), and my cousin’s wedding is a few days after that. So all of this has been pressing on my heart causing me to run frantically from the emotions. Because let’s face it, we run. And for me if I melt down it usually sounds like it has nothing to do at all with grief and everything to do with my current circumstances. Two under two, messy house, sink FULL of bottles I have been trying to wash for days! Yes, those are trying my patience as well but nothing compared to just wanting my mom to come sit on my couch and hold my babies! So I finally gave into the wave (read more about that in part one of this grief series!). And now I feel much better and can think clearer. I still miss her but I am able to recognize that I was missing her and I can write and talk about it.

I remember when I would come home from college for breaks she would come to my bed and sit on the side of it and wait with expectancy for me tell her ALL of the stories of my adventures as a student. Seriously she wanted every detail, she was laughing and sometimes crying as I told her all the details I could remember. Her face would glow with joy as she vicariously lived her twenties over through me! This carried on into my time in Chicago in the summers and then went I traveled with a missions organization, Youth With A Mission, (YWAM) after college. She found a way to call me in every nation I went to (except maybe one)! This is before Facebook and Skype were super popular! (Back in the dark ages lol). She didn’t have a word limit for me and she never made me feel like I said too much! My mom was as much as a story teller as I was. I miss that SO much! I miss telling her all of the things! Even in my life of constant interruptions my fantasy is that we would figure out how to do that still.

I know its been ten years since I lost her but I can see her sitting on the edge of my bed so clearly and it would be hours, (literally hours) before she went back to her own bed to finally fall asleep. It was so hard for her to leave and I know I didn’t mind at all. I am so glad we had that time and all of those stories. When I started writing these blogs I had no idea that the “anniversary” time would linger on. I thought I was kind of finished for a bit. Giving myself a pat on the back for doing it right and telling our story. Now I see there was so much more that God had in store for me. Two weeks ago YWAM had a huge gathering here in KC and I got to see people from the base I worked with in Australia for the first time since I left on furlough ten and a half years ago. It was while I was on that furlough that my mom died in the car accident and I never went back to Australia. There were honestly many other reasons for that but one of the big ones was the accident. It was so good seeing their faces again and remembering those days. The significance of that gathering happening her on this anniversary struck my heart deeply. God is so good at the details isn’t He?!

All that to say this ten year thing continues and tonight I let another wave wash over me and I am better for it. I miss her laugh and I want her here so I can tell her all the stories of David and Jonathan! I know she wouldn’t want to miss a single detail! So mom here’s to you! Missing you tonight!

Other blogs in the series “Losing my mom:”
Part 1: Losing my mom
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ode to postpartum

I am in my third month of my “fourth trimester!” I like to think of post baby time as this because it makes me and my body and my life make more sense. I like to actually say I am pregnant for a year, partly because it actually feels like that when you are pregnant and to think its going to be longer helps a lot in the process of the pregnancy. For some reason once you have the baby some crazy thoughts start to form in your head as if you are going to go back to normal “right away” like now, right now! Then you are left wondering “what the heck” is wrong with you and then your friend says “Hey you just had a baby!!!” Oh right! Well there’s that.

I have been pregnant or nursing a baby since February 15th, 2014 or around there. Yep that is my wedding date. My husband and I truly wanted to start our family right away and so we decided to try right from the start! “Honeymoon baby” has a different meaning for us since we planned him. And then we are the weirdos that were actually sad we weren’t pregnant again by the time our first son had hit about 9 months old. And then boom, we were pregnant the next month! Okay so I know we planned and wanted these babies to come and I know its all my fault BUT it doesn’t mean I can’t blog about it! lol! So bare with me.

Oh postpartum, you and your yoga pants and mesh underwear! And seriously what the heck has happened to my body. And not to mention “two under two!” And then there are all the things people say that are trained to say those things (i.e. sleep when the baby sleeps) hahahaha. Just prop me up next to the crib with a latte under my arm.

I am not expecting half of this blog to make any sense but I am excited that I have two hands right now that are only typing. After my first son was born my husband tried to convince me to leave the house in the evening at least once a week. I just was not very good at it. Thats all I have to say about that. So now I am A LOT better at it. Well now I leave every other week and that is a good speed for me. I really like my family but people they need a mommy that doesn’t act like a crazy person! Seriously, toddlers get a bad wrap. They have BIG emotions and get upset about simple things very intensely. I think I could relate to a toddler right now or resemble one minus that throwing myself on the floor. Post partum moms have BIG emotions and get upset about the simplest things. I get upset because I am upset. I wish I could make that make sense, but it just doesn’t and I am okay with that. Are you currently trying to imagine me throwing my own postpartum toddler fit? Go for it!

So I finally have stretch marks, real ones. Didn’t happen with my first baby, its so interesting how you can grow an entire human in your body for months, then raise it for over a year, and then still NOT know everything there is to know about doing all that. But I tell you it is entirely possible. And you would think that I would remember how to care for a newborn? I guess I mostly remembered and it had only been 20 months since I had done it last but for reals they are so tiny and different than an almost toddler. I literally cut a onesie off of my son a month ago because it was too small and I was tired of feeling like I was ripping his little arms off when I was taking it off of him. So I cut it off. With scissors. It was incredibly freeing! I am sure there was poop on it or something or maybe not.

Then there is the sleep deprivation…are you still reading? lol. Its okay cause I am still writing. With my first son we had a few nursing issues and ended up supplementing with formula. So with our second son when we started having similar issues we just started back up with our old routine. In our sleep deprived state we didn’t adjust it at all. The big problem with this was this baby ended up being a puker. And then he would be up the entire night. And so there I was feeding him and staying up all night with him like we were in college and not sleeping just because we could. For some weird reason I was able to do that for like five weeks, maybe six. My husband would help me get sleep when he got home from work and I would nap if it was even possible. And then I lost it. Like felt like I was going to go crazy! I had one very dark night in my mothering life and the next day I googled all the buzz words….fussy, colic, feeding, baby. Anything that I thought might bring about an answer and bring a completion to our frat parties in the night! Without starting medication or declaring a milk allergy I went with “overfeeding!” Oh my lord!!!!!! I had been overfeeding my baby for over six weeks!!! Poor baby! I had no idea that I had a good supply of momma milk. I had never had that problem (blessing) and so it had not occurred to me. Before you go and judge just remember how tired we were! SO SO tired!!! So I pulled back all of the bottles and just nursed him until I knew I had nothing and then I would offer a bottle! Holy cow, how simple is that! Praise God we avoided any of the medical interventions that could have possibly come as an answer for a puking baby! Again my friend reminded me why they use sleep deprivation as a torture tool in war. That made me think for a moment. But hey baby number 2 and I are bonded! Bonded like college roommates!

So now we are sleeping mostly with the normal short visit or two in the night. And we are getting in a rhythm of sorts. And I am learning to juggle better than I knew I could. And I still have my toddler moments but I made it! I made it over two whole months as a mom of two. I am two-ish weeks from the “end” of my fourth trimester! Life is now settling into a new normal and I can think a few thoughts in a row and actually remember them the next day. Well some days.

PS. Thank you all so much for your notes of encouragement after I shared about my c-sections. The surgery and recovery itself went flawlessly. I am still swollen in some spots and I definitely did not enjoy the spinal they gave to numb my bottom half this time, but I survived and I have two of the cutest kids on the block!!! I know that my story is my story and I am thankful that we have made the choices we have! Thanks again!

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I am a mom

These past two years have flown by…marriage, baby David, and now we wait for baby boy #2 to come in July and we are so excited! Right now life is full of sticks, dirt, discovery, and all things outside! David runs to the door in his pjs and proclaims “ouudide” which as I translate is “come on momma lets go OUTSIDE!” There is so much to explore, discover, and experience that he can hardly contain himself much less focus to get clothes and shoes on so we can get outside! But I love it, I love the determination in his eyes and the passion for all things boy! I think my favorite part is that he does it without being told! What dirt… this must go on my head, in my clothes, in my mouth, and down my shoes! I was worried that our backyard would fall short with our kiddos because we haven’t purchased any swing sets or even small slide/play house things yet. But today I watch him sit in a pile of dirt with his shovel and play for over ten minutes and then proceed to the strawberry patch to fiddle with something for another ten minutes. I just let him wonder around and I sighed with relief, “yep this will do just fine!”

So I am a mom. I know I am kind of late to the party since I am already pregnant with number two but something has happened in my heart since David started walking, talking, and participating more in our lives. I have been a mom since conception but I have become a mom this past year and its done something to my heart that made me step back and realize “wow, now I am a mom!” I can’t wait to meet number two but of course I am having those thoughts of “how can you love another?” and “how can you not?” and “seriously this is crazy! two under two!” and “I am so excited I need this pregnancy to hurry hurry up!” and then I look at David growing and growing and exclaim “SLOW DOWN!!!!! Ahhh!”  I am sure someone can relate right? LOL! Anyways all of these thoughts make it official! “I am a mom!” Including the constant search for his next wardrobe, great deals on diapers, toys, and all things kids! I have always been a shopper but being a mom takes it to another level and I am sorry but not all consignment sales are created equal and I can’t wait to go to one that exceeds my expectations! So far, not so much!

So all that being said I am living my dream! Married by 33 and a momma by 34!! I have such a grateful heart and the wait was totally worth it although at times I wasn’t so patient. Waiting is not easy but that is a post for another day! For now I am just going to savor these days, that is the advice I have received from every single 50 plus parent/grandparent! I am going to enjoy them like they are ending tomorrow and seriously thank God for each and every day! I know to do it because honestly it is already going too fast! And I am learning to have a single focus even if that means saying no the “good” things so I can say YES wholeheartedly to motherhood. I “get to” in this season and I know that it is how I can give my heart fully to the Lord right now! It took me a minute to figure all of that out, which makes sense since I came out of 12 plus years of full time ministry with a very loaded schedule. So for a bit I wasn’t sure what this season was supposed to look like BUT now I have a vision and I am giving it all I have.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

 
 

 


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15 Minute Journals

So being a new mom at first I thought I would never get to use two hands again at the same time. A little dramatic but it felt very true. Now that I am three months plus into the thick of this I have come up for air a few times and even found my journal! I love writing out my thoughts, even while Stephen and I were dating I wrote after every single one of our dates! I have those precious thoughts to hold onto and go back and cherish. So now I realize I have almost nothing from these past three months as far as journals or thoughts to put together as sentences.

A few years ago when I was doing some more research on grief and counseling I found this author, Susan Zimmerman, and her book on grief, “Writing to heal the soul.”

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Ha! I just found the beginnings of this sweet little blog post! I love love love that its from over 9 months ago and yet its so applicable to my new rhythm of mom-life and not to mention today is New Year’s Day, so we might as well put a new stake in the ground for journalling! In the book I talk about above she gives questions to answer about grief and life and then encourages you to write for 15 minutes without stopping! It’s such a great exercise and you would be surprised how much you can say and how refreshing it is to do! Sometimes I will do it on the laptop when I have a lot of “beans” to spill and sometimes on my pen and paper! My mother would journal on anything that had a little white margin or space on it! I would find her church bulletins full of her “Dear Lord Jesus” journal entries! I guess the point is… write, write, write! You would be surprised how much it will clear your head, calm the drama, fill your heart with hope, and cause you to soar in this new year! Even as a mom I can do a lot of things in 15 minutes! Well at least during nap time I can. So here I go again, committing to my 15 minutes, however I can get it done! I will pour out my soul and watch my heart soar!

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i am thankful for this day

How do we show true gratitude for something or someone? During this past challenging season in my life I found myself struggling to not feel overwhelmed by the people who came and cared for us. How do I ever truly say THANK YOU? What does that look like in my heart? During my senior year in high school we got a new English teacher and she was my first period teacher. So as I was flying into my seat after my mom had to almost literally drag me out of bed I was challenged with this assignment for six weeks. A gratitude journal. Each morning I had to write down two things I was thankful for and why. Some of my entries were fairly sarcastic BUT I have never forgotten that challenge. And although it was during Thanksgiving time that we did this assignment it has marked me for life.
Here is the other thing that keeps getting me in trouble. Before David, my almost one year old baby, was even born I saw this Veggietales book in a kiosk at a gas station on I-70. I had to buy it and it even sings for you!! Well now he loves it and we read it and play the song every morning. It has become our routine. It’s called, “I thank God for this day!” The song goes like this.

 “Because a thankful heart is a happy heart. I’m glad for what I have-thats an easy way to start. For the love that He shares ’cause He listens to my prayers-that’s why I say thanks everyday!”

Now David can not talk in sentences yet but I challenge myself to say out loud what I am grateful for! Here we are again in a habit of thankfulness! I am so thankful that I am a momma! It challenges so many things in me daily but it also gives me a chance to learn things fresh, to learn them all over again!
But how do we show true gratitude? How do we let people know that we are thankful? We live our lives! We say it and mean it! We bless others and pay it forward! We live like there is no tomorrow! We strive to be the best version of ourselves and find joy in the mundane! When I see my friends and family thriving it fills me with JOY it fills me with hope for myself! At times its causes me to look inside myself and ask questions. Sometimes it even causes jealousy but I get to chose to dwell there or surrender that to Jesus. I get to live life to the fullest and take time to be grateful for all God has blessed me with!! It is truly the only response necessary!
Well today I am thankful for God giving me an incredible husband, the sweetest little boy, and family and friends that fill the in between moments! I am grateful for words to write here and to sing there! I am grateful for people who live in truth and challenge me to do the same. I am grateful for this day because I know like many others that we aren’t always promised tomorrow! I am grateful for my home church that raised me, loved me, sent me, and taught me about the Bible! I am grateful for crazy Royals parades with 1000’s of people. I am grateful for a Veggietales book that starts my day with my little man right! I am grateful for the Word of God and where would my life be without it! I am grateful for redemption and mercy and the Cross! And I am grateful for Fall and hot chai on a chilly day! What are you grateful for?

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the power of prayer

Again I feel the seasons changing in my heart and life! I have been fairly silent this past summer and I can not pinpoint the reason honestly yet I can list the things that have added to my silence and also caused deep reflection. But hopefully through this long post it will all make sense!

My heart aches with how much I love my almost one year old baby boy David Jeremiah! He is an overwhelming source of JOY and of gratitude to God! He is walking now and changing every day! I can’t express what being a mom has done inside my heart. Which of course will explain the randomness of this post. When its been this long you just get the jumbled mess no matter how hard you try to focus! And I stayed up watching the Royals last night so I’m a bit tired. Did I also mention that my husband Stephen is an amazing man? I have to tell you we had an awesome first year of marriage and we are still going strong!! EVEN with a baby! It is possible!! Be encouraged!

Okay so here is the real point of my writing. I miss being a “missionary” or in ministry and here I will tell you why. When you are putting yourself out there so you can do missions you have people consciously praying for you, fighting for you! You are also writing newsletters and posting updates about your work as well as ways you need prayer. Its not that you can’t share prayer requests with people when you are no longer termed as a missionary but its not as conscious! During my time at the house of prayer I went home and invited people to join my partnership team and I specifically asked people to sign up to pray for me even if they weren’t able to partner financially. The response was overwhelming and my life absolutely changed after that season. I had people specifically praying for God to give me a husband and well you probably know the rest of that season! I am not a very shy person and I love sharing my story but this past year I haven’t felt as covered in prayer. I have honestly felt like our family has been under attack and that I need to boldly ask again for prayer. I really never left “ministry.” I continued to lead prayer sets at the house of prayer during my pregnancy as a sub and just recently I have been leading weekly back our beloved Hope City mission and prayer room.  Stephen helps six months of the year with ministry here that ministers to people with sexual/relational brokenness. So our family is still keeping our foot (or toe somedays) in ministry.

Sharing this is only a reflection. I promise its not a pity party or a complaint against people for not praying for me. Its really a big fat DUH for me and a verbal process for me to realize that WOW I should let people know that this past year has been a long list of trials in our life and I would love to see this next year be the opposite! Okay here is the list: emergency c-section in Nov, i broke my ankle in March (with a 4 month old to care for), I totaled our mini-van (with only liability insurance, our mistake) in May, and our home was burglarized in August. Whew! I am sure others have harder things happening and can look at my life and think wow she is blessed and I AM!!!! I promise I know it! I am so thankful! But after we were burglarized I was tired. I didn’t feel violated or unable to sleep in my house, I felt tired of the trials. I felt like I needed someone else to hold my arms up for a minute. Did I also mention we had a baby and I have been happily sleep deprived for over a year (I am including pregnancy insomnia!).

I promise I am not complaining! I am declaring a revelation! I need you to pray for our family! There is so much power in sharing our circumstances and letting people know our needs. If you have stood with me before to see breakthrough then please find yourself invited to do that again! Thank you in advance! Please let me know if you have any verses or encouragements for us! We would love to hear from you! I also understand that we are guaranteed trials and we are to rejoice in them and I have! My marriage has been marked by Stephen and I pulling together and loving each other no matter what our circumstances! He is such a man of peace! I have never feared or been in want! We look forward to what God will do in our lives and how He has marked us in this season! But still feel free to pray for us!!

Two other things… whew this is a long one! First thing, I have completed my CD from 2013 and am still planning on releasing it! I decided not to release it that year for personal reasons but am excited to release it soon! All of you that funded that CD I have not forgotten and am excited to share it with you soon. Please pray for this as well!

Last thing, Nov 19th, 2015 is David Jeremiah’s first birthday! Wow what an awesome year!! As I said he is awesome and I can’t wait to see him continue to grow. He loves reading lots of books every day (seriously could read for over an hour, well Mommy reads!), he is walking everywhere, and sometimes running, drags my kitchen towels out of the drawer and all over the house, and eats big people food, and loves loves his daddy! Cant wait for many of you to meet him! You will fall in love instantly with his awesome smile and sweet heart!

Okay so that is my update, my need, and heart on a stick!
All my love,

Michelle

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the “I’m sorry” challenge

“Let’s try not to say ‘I’m sorry’ for one day and see what happens.” This was my husband’s statement today after lunch. It hit something deep inside me that said “yes!!! i need to do that! I am sorry I say ‘I’m sorry’ so much!” Agh! There I go again. I call it the “I’m sorry disease!” Can you relate? Apparently it’s generational! I got mine from my mom but let’s not blame shift here, I say it all the time consciously and unconsciously! It stems from one of the biggest lies that I personally struggle with: “I am a burden.” This is like a mold problem in my heart and I can’t wait to attack it and watch it vacate my life! Cause most of the time I am not sorry, I just say it like air coming out of my mouth. I am thinking I will take up this challenge and see if it works…

Here are some ideas I am going to use to keep from slipping out those famous two words!
1. Someone shares a hard situation with me. Say “Wow that sounds really challenging or difficult. How are you doing?”
2. I bump into someone. Say “excuse me.” (seems like a no-brainer but sometimes “I’m sorry” overrides my common sense)
3. I don’t have the right change and am corrected. Say “Thats right let me go grab more money.”

Just to name a few. I can’t wait to try these out and FAST from saying what seems to naturally fly out of my mouth. I have the Holy Spirit and I can have self-discipline enough to change something in my speech! So here we go! I hear from my hubs that I can start over if I say it! Isn’t he a sweetie!!

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falling off the wagon…

These past two days I have attempted to refocus my heart and listen more to the Holy Spirit. This took getting myself off Facebook and trying to not eat sweets for three days. As a new nursing momma thats about all fasting looks for me right now. One theme that came out loud and clear was the responsibility I have over my own heart. In less than two weeks Stephen and I celebrate our first wedding anniversary! Woot! I love this man like crazy and am so excited to celebrate!!! But being married now I realize even more how not living in the reality of my responsibility over my heart now affects not only my life but two others as well! My husband and baby!! 

There is a temptation in my heart to find a reason for everything or an excuse. Its how I complicate problems. I get wrapped up in the “why” and how I could have done it better that I actually fail to take responsibility. Its everywhere from how I spend my “free” time (yes mom’s have that it just looks different), to what I think about, to how I act, to my mouth (ahhh my mouth), what I eat, and so on. Especially in marriage or any other relationship we often can find the fault in the other person and forget all about the log in our own eye that is smacking them as we criticize.  I’ve honestly had the most amazing first year of marriage and even made it through the first almost 3months of a new born without much conflict. But I feel it creeping into my life.

So “who’s fault is it?” Who do we throw under the bus for our emotions, our melt downs, our day flying by? My biggest problem has always been self-hatred! So its easy for me to take too much responsibility. But that still isn’t the answer! It all gets too complicated! Mostly I find I am weak and want to cope by overdramatizing the whole thing. Basic Christianity folks! At the end of the day I am responsible for my heart. No drama needed. I am living before His eyes only. I wish there was someone else to take the wrap for the way I coped with my back pain last night or the ways in which I avoid taking time to just sit before the Lord! I do a lot of sitting and surfing or reading blogs or being on Facebook while I nurse my baby but have to WORK (I mean WORK) to read the Word on my phone or sit and listen to the Lord! I can talk, share my heart, pray for a friend, or even complain to the Lord. But to sit and listen and absorb what He wants to say takes WORK!

Why? Cause its the best thing for me! Its what will change my day, my life, my kid’s life, etc! I am desperately in need of that fresh and living water that will wash my soul! I forget that its what I am searching for and when I give up all the other things I DONT miss out or even wonder where it went. I am finding that the silence these past three days (when I allowed it) was the most amazing thing I could have done. Even when I threw my back out yesterday and freaked out with some cookie dough I knew what I was doing and I heard His nearness, His whisper, and even His laugh as He knew too! I’m a “handful” as He says and thats okay. He is not overwhelmed or stressed out even for a minute about me. He is the all-Powerful one or as He said a couple weeks ago the “All-Controlling” one! (That’s a whole ‘nother story) I actually don’t have to have it all together thankfully!!

Sooo! I am taking responsibility for what is mine to be responsible for. My sin, my mouth, my poor decisions. And I repent! I get right with Jesus! I walk in the opposite direction and listen for my next steps! Its like a little kid who “knows” better! So here is a little song to keep us on the straight and narrow! Thanks for reading and walking this journey of Love with me! And seriously let’s all chill out a little bit!

“Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little mouth what you say, be careful little ears what you hear, for the Father up above is looking down with Love so be careful little eyes what you see!”

Also this is one of my favorite YouTube videos that says it all! lol
http://youtu.be/4A6Bu96ALOw

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Introducing!!!! David Jeremiah Wick

He is here! And we are forever changed for the better!

David Jeremiah Wick

Born November 19th, 2014, weighing 6 pounds 9 ounces and measuring 19 inches. He has most of his daddy’s features but I get to claim his nose! He is a miracle and we are in awe of his perfection! We are completely in love!

 

I started having contractions around 8:00am on Tuesday, Nov 18th. We already had a set doctor’s appointment that morning and I was so happy that my body finally went into labor on its own. (pause baby is crying). Okay so we went to the doctor that morning and a few things weren’t going quite as planned for a “natural” labor so we were sent straight to the hospital to get checked in. After around 19 hours of labor there were again some factors that kept happening that proved dangerous to me and the baby so we decided it was best to go ahead and have a c-section. I have complete peace about this decision because now we know that the baby’s umbilical cord had moved below him in the birth canal and a normal birth wouldn’t have been possible. It was such a God-thing that our OB decided to go ahead with surgery and it saved us a lot of heart ache later. Now we are so incredibly blessed by this little addition to our lives! Praise God for giving us the best Christmas gift ever! If you want more details of our birth story I am happy to share just shoot me a message!

Thank you for the prayers and love! We are so blessed! 
Love, 
Stephen, Michelle, & David!!